i permit you to call me
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
