Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
