sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize