Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
