i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
