If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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