hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
