I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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