eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
