I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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