I got chris browned last night
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
