SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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