I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
They are going to name an STD after you.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
