they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I think I just sharted jello shots
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
