My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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