dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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