I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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