stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
