The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Its about making memories worth repressing
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
