i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
