was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
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