nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
