The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
