My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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