K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
