So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
