Her vagina should come with caution tape.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
