In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
