You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
