You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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