Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
