well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
