ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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