things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
