What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
