she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Can i not drive my cunt home
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
