I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
