Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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