I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
