i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
