Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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