New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
