I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize