fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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