youre lurking in front of me
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
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