sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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