do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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