What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Randomize
