Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
