I cannot find my penis.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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