she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
