Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
