Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize