Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
