come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
