That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
