I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
