the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
