He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
