Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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