Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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