I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize