I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
