Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
