Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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