Im at strip club and am horny
I am midnight drunk by noon
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
