My nipple is on Facebook.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
