yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
