i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
