After last night, I could never be a politician.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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