hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
