I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
