I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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