I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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