I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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