spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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