i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Randomize
