I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize