so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He has the fingertips of a God
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
