Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
