dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
