Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Fuck appropriateness.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
