your thong is hanging out like whoa
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
