ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize