I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
