you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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