she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
