so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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