I am in a vortex of obligation.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
