ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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