He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
