just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
