I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
