It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Let's get the cat blown out
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
