Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
