everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
