He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
