New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
