I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize