The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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