you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
