I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
