Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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