I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
