i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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